You know what day today is, don’t you? I mean, apart from being the Feast of St Eusebius and InTernationaL caPs LoCK DAY.

Today the America’s Cup goes to court.

Since the eleventh hour negotiations failed, you can bet it’s going to get even more complicated. Last time the America’s Cup was here back in 1988, 15lb of documents were filed with the New York Supreme Court.

I’d like to explain what this is all about, but I haven’t a clue. The arguments about the protocol, and the Deed of Gift, etc, etc, are like calculus: I understand perfectly when it’s being explained but two minutes afterwards it’s double Dutch again.

So there are some Yachting World goodies for whomsoever who can provide the best digest of the plot so far in 100 words or less, viz Jim Crace’s ingenious and amusing ‘Digested Read’ 

There, for example, you will find the digestedBlair Years by Alastair Campbell. ‘July 2001: Shared a bath with TB. He was depressed despite my re-election. ‘Shut it, Messiah,’ I growled, ‘and piss off back down the tap end’.