Does the wordpentapeptidesmean anything to you?

Come on now, they’re the anti-ageing moisturiser ingredients promoted in that grating TV ad with ‘celebrity beauty editor’ Nadine Baggott (her name alone cracks me up; surely it’s a spoof?).

I love all the cod science used to persuade women that wrinkles can be eradicated with a £20 tub of face cream. The ironic thing is we got it from men, who are absolute suckers for ‘pentapeptide’ marketing wheezes. Here are some choice excerpts from the latest press release for SLAM sailing gear – sorry ‘hyper-technological clothing’:

‘High performance clothing designed? [to] guarantee comfort and well-being during those long days at sea.

‘The “Ocean Waves” oilskin, already highly engineered, was modified to increase performance. An inner, completely waterproof PU collar was added and a drainage channel created on the outer collar.

‘The “first layer” garments (those in direct contact with the skin) also become key for maintaining skin hygiene in Ocean-going conditions. Made from hypoallergenic and bacteriostatic yarns, they protect the body by maintaining the natural Ph of the skin.’

Alternatively you could save some money by buying a hat and a bar of soap.