So much for New Year’s resolutions. It’s only the second week of January and already two favourite topics on this blog have flared back into life.

One is Google Translate’s infinite capacity to mangle Français and English into an absurd Esperanto of warped meanings and innuendo. Last year, I lamented the Mini Transat English releases which, being Google translated, made the race sound like some weird cheese-rolling stunt.

In his attempt to follow Francis Joyon’s record attempt, Charlie Close-Smith has got a bit confused. He emailed: ‘If you allow Google to “translate this page” you are blessed with some marvellous English that would do credit to any Franglais aficionado.

‘About a month ago, whilst off the Cape of Good Hope, Francis Joyon was anticipating a severe depression approaching from behind which was rather delightfully translated to a “depression in the buttocks”.’

Could have been worse, I suppose.

The other topic? Well, guess what.